


Like Midas

by marrieddorks



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hurt Sam, Sam Blames Himself, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-05-03 05:32:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5278595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marrieddorks/pseuds/marrieddorks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Like everything Midas touched turned to gold, everything Sam touched was damned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like Midas

**Author's Note:**

> this hurt to write

8x22 - Clip Show

Sam woke up with a gasp, cold sweat making his skin clammy. He had dreamed of Sarah. 

Sarah, who he had met six years ago and was the first girl to make him feel anything since Jessica. Sarah, who made his heart ache because she was so brave and so beautiful and so understanding. Sarah, who lost her mom at a young age just as he did. Sarah, who lived through the haunting surrounding her and made a life for herself after. Sarah, who was engaged, ready to commit her life to a man she loved. Sarah, who was now dead, body cold and blue. 

It was his fault. Like everything Midas touched turned to gold, everything Sam touched was damned. His mom and dad would both still be alive if Azazel wouldn’t have come for him all those years ago; Ellen and Jo would still be alive if he wouldn’t have set Lucifer free; Jessica would still be alive if he wouldn’t have dragged her into his world; Amy would still be alive if he would have kept a better eye out for her; Bobby would still be alive if he could have been quicker; Brady would still be alive if he would have been more aware of his surroundings at Stanford; Pamela would still be alive if he would have stayed behind; Madison would still be alive if he wouldn’t have shot her in the head; and Sarah, poor Sarah who had gotten out, was dead because of him. Basically anyone that he had ever loved, had ever cared for, had died because of him. Always because of him.

His body was weak. The trials had been taking a toll on him both physically and mentally. He wasn’t eating, he was so lethargic that he could hardly hold his own body up, and breathing itself was a struggle. It was as though his heart was beating slower in his chest and keeping his eyes open was nearly impossible most of the time. He could feel his body dying as the seconds passed. 

No, he wasn’t certain if he would die at the end of all this, but so what if he did? If it would save everyone, prevent so many others from dying, it was worth it. If it would make up for everything wrong he had every done, it was worth it. If it would save Dean, it was worth it. No matter what happened, he was going to complete these trials and turn Crowley human, even if it took his own life.

His life wasn’t worth it anymore.


End file.
